I had just overcome my procrastination when a particular song started playing from my iTunes. The song Like an Avalanche, by Hillsong United, put me face-to-face with the infinite grace that Jesus effuses into me daily. I seem to always be on the receiving end of grace, and rarely the giving. I think back to the last time I did not try to show grace, this was during my Work Crew session this past summer, at Rockbridge in Goshen, VA. My session had four days left, and I had given my life to Christ on the third day of my two week session. The servers had just finished setting up the dining hall for dinner, and I stepped outside to call my mom. After the initial conversation that included the ‘how are you’, and ‘what’s going on at home’, my mother set a different tone to the conversation.
She told me that the computer at home had messed up, and everything on it had been deleted. It was an accident on her part, and it was not a big deal. However, at the time, I was angry. My graduation project was on that computer! How could she just erase everything on it? Frustrated, I hung up the phone after giving my mother hell for an accident, that was not a major issue in the long run. I went back to serve dinner, I thought about calling my mother and telling her that I was sorry and that I would be able to fix it, and to tell her that she should not feel bad about it, but I never got around to it. By the next morning I had already forgotten about the incident and had slept quite soundly the night before. My mother’s night was quite different than mine. Before I say what happened, you first must know that my mother has a heart condition. When she gets overly upset it is hard to calm her down, and her heart starts beating irregularly and at unsafe rates. With that said, I was in the lobby along with the rest of the work crew staff. We were about to be sent out to read our daily devotional, when a call disrupted the early morning meeting.
The call was for me. A women on the phone said to me “Matthew, your father is on the other line. I think you will want to talk to him.” The second I heard my fathers voice, I could tell that something was not right. He asked me if I was at a place where I could talk, surrounded by the whole work crew staff I told him I could. The next words that came out of his mouth completely shattered me. “After you talked to mom last night, she got really upset about ruining your project. She thought she had hurt you so badly, and we could not calm her down.” My father was barely able to put out words, as he told me that she was taken to the emergency room, and that he had been trying to reach me all night. As tears filled my eyes and I started choking on my own words everyone in the room quietly left, except for the work crew boss, and a few kids that were also on work crew. My father told me that it wasn’t my fault, and that he didn’t want me to feel bad. The doctors had just been able to calm her down, however her heart had been in a very dangerous situation all night. I could not stop crying. This was all of my fault, my mother had almost died, because she thought that she had hurt me. Only because of my over-reaction and pathetic anger. Satan took this opportunity to pound me with guilt, and grief. I began to question my newfound faith, almost deciding that I was not worthy of Jesus. Rob, the work crew boss told me that I could take some time alone, to calm down before I came to the dining hall to work. I sat on the same couch for an hour, letting Satan rip me to pieces.
I cannot put into words how utterly and completely worthless I felt in that hour. One amazing thing about Jesus, is that he can break through the most sorrowful and ungodly places to pull his children out of the dark. I began to pray, crying still, asking for Jesus to forgive me and to comfort me. Satan was instantly shut off from my mind, as Jesus not figuratively, but literally lifted up my head. A surge of what I can only describe as amazing grace filled my body and numbed my pain. I began to reflect as Jesus pieced me back together. In that moment I realized that my parents have many Christ-like qualities in them, one of which is grace. I thought about all of the times I had disrespected my parents, told them I hated them, told them I couldn’t wait to graduate from high school and leave home, and at the end of the day my parents still loved me. My parents have always loved me, even when I’ve been at my worst, just as Jesus has. But where was I when my mother needed a speck of grace? I spat in her face, and caused her to go to the emergency room. This was a pivotal moment in my life, and it changed me forever. I realized that it was time to start giving grace back to everyone, and I began to understand Jesus on a greater level. I’m caught up in grace like an avalanche every day. Jesus Christ is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I look forward to writing more about my beautiful encounters with Him.
Growing In Christ 