A Constant Savior and an Inconsistent Me.

“All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship” (Desert Song, Hillsong United)

I often find my self sitting in my dorm room at the end of a long day with my mind consumed with everything that I have going on, with every responsibility that I still need to fulfill. Saying that life is overwhelming at times is an understatement, especially when you have days that leave you feeling stretched, that leave you feeling poured out not filled up. There has been so much going on in the past four days in my life that I haven’t had time to think, I have just had time to do.

Every time I blog it is because the Spirit is nudging me to. I don’t always know why I am writing, or what I am going to write, or what parts of my brain I am going to let spill out, it always just happens.

The nudge can be a verse that I read, or a struggle that I am going through, or in this situation a conversation with a friend and a bridge in a song.

I was talking to a friend who is struggling with doubt just about everyday, and that got me thinking about the times I have doubted and even just the struggles that I have gone through in my life. I doubt God everyday, maybe not in the same way as my friend, but I doubt. I doubt that I am worth anything, I doubt that I can be used, I doubt that I will succeed, and even though I don’t admit it to myself (or others) sometimes I doubt that God is bigger than my problems.

At these points of doubt, I have to unpack my life and watch it play back in my head, I have to let God and others speak truth into my life to bring me back to Him.

I doubted that I would ever stop smoking weed, and I doubted that I would ever be in a place where God can really use me. I doubted that I could really come to a point in my life where I wasn’t hindering myself from letting God do something in and through me that was bigger than me.

But when I unpack my situations and see where I’ve been, I always come back to a God who came through, every time.

I believed that I would never stop smoking weed, and I did. I believed that I would never be of any use to God, and I can see that He is already using me at Northwest more than I thought that He could. I believed that I could not get $1,200 raised for my Peru trip when I only had three days left to get it, and God came back and gave me and my group what we needed and more. Just today, I doubted my ability to be a good leader and to have a young life club that I planned go well, and it did.

When I see that these things in my life have happened it makes the Word of God come alive as I read it.

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.” (Ephesians 3:20)

This and so many other passages in the Bible are not just words to me, they are solid truths, they are words that have been backed up by what I have personally seen in my life and in other’s lives. This says that God won’t just do what we ask. He will do more than we ask, more than we can even imagine, and it is true, it has stood the test in my life. Every time that I have doubted, God has shown up more than I ever thought or hoped that He would.

I’m just so inconsistent in so many things and it blows my mind that Jesus is always an arms reach away from me, being the exact same person that He has always been and still loving me, still using me. I don’t doubt that we are all here for a reason because everything has happened way too precisely for life to be an accident. There is an inherent problem with and in people, it is seen throughout history and is still strong today. Everyone needs a Savior, everyone needs a constant person because no one is constant.

But Jesus is always constant. He is always the same, He was the same yesterday, the same today, and He will be the same tomorrow. He gets to show people who He really is by using inconsistent and broken people like me to proclaim His name. That is the reality that I get brought to at the end of the day. That God is still good, that He is working, and that He will never change, even when I do.

“All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship”